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fudge

Dec. 24th, 2004 | 02:41 am
mood: espresso + 2:00am = bad idea
music: fiona apple..

Should be asleep but i just HAD to have some coffee today, i guess caffine isnt just all in your head afterall. i have to wake up ass early to go to the GYM, who does that? then i have work all night till 8, hella have to work on x-mas eve, what a gyp. terri&robert are comming over, and amanda's here for the weekend (my step sister) Today, as a gift, a co-worker of mine drew a characature.. oh, hella can't spell, anyways he drew me and a friend(myboss) together. hella cute by the way, we look all.. fearce.
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whata couple'a cuties eh?

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meshuggah 'n me

Dec. 20th, 2004 | 07:52 pm
mood: fullfull

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(no subject)

Dec. 20th, 2004 | 07:14 pm
mood: hungryhungry

kelly clarkson makes me wet

..thats is all

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(no subject)

Dec. 19th, 2004 | 01:38 am

RayRay

*heart* this is meshuggah, Ray

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(no subject)

Dec. 17th, 2004 | 10:46 pm
mood: appeasing alex

im missen on him so much and im not even gone yet. I can't stand comming to visit if everytime i break down the last day; last time was embarassing, i totally embarassed myself in front of him. whatever tho he don't care about it. Fuck.. Low battery. i love you ray, im gunna fucking miss you.. this long distance shit is getting harder and harder every day.. let's get married and fuck everything else.

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nowhere to go

Oct. 25th, 2004 | 02:55 pm

there was a guy with a big gun who was in charge of me. i had to do everything he said
if i didnt or if i didnt do it exactly how he wanted it, he would hit me with his
gun. I couldnt say anything, ask anything, i soon learned that. i was really scared he
was going to rape me, i could just see it happening. There was a girl too. I had a quick
second to get away but she was standing next to me, not really guarding the door but she
was there so while his back was turned i couldnt run out the door. I thought about it so
much, went over everything i could have possibly done to run out that door. could i knock
her down and rush past her and run as fast as iv ever ran before? but there was no chance.
i knew he'd catch and kill me after i failed.

i can see myself looking pathetic, cowering next to that gun, crying, getting hit for
crying. nowhere to go.

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breathe

Mar. 21st, 2004 | 01:16 am
mood: highhigh
music: behind my knee itches

I'm hitting this hash too hard.
Mara is too cute, so she's leaving work, she folds something into a peice of paper and sticks it into my backpocket (while totally slapping and rubbing my ass by the way, i enjoyed every second) I open it on my lunchbreak and its a break of hash, this chick is too much.

talking to Eric Gilsons girlfriend right now online, Grimgirl7769, and watching Houseguest. Trippen myself out right now, i hate when i do that too myself. i picture hella fucked up shit for no reason. i dont even wanna repeat what i pictures, i was going to but fuck, im not trying to jinx that sort of accident. crazy.

Fuck fuckkity fuck fuck fuck ~Cartman

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(no subject)

Mar. 1st, 2004 | 12:07 am
mood: emmotional
music: "dont leave me girl" ~Blackstreet

i am so happy with you.
i can't imagine my life without you anymore, if that wasnt a big enough cliche' for you, i wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

Raymond has changed my life so much, all of it for the better. He's helping me grow up (a little, its like pulling teeth with me)
I have such problems accepting relationships. i want to tell him everything on my mind but when i do that the relationship usually is over because they find out just how neurotic i am, and that i have the mentality of a stalker. i keep it on the DL, but sometimes i slip up and cry on the phone with him for no reason.
i feel like, i dont feel like but i think he's gunna leave me, but i know he won't. i should know he won't. it's just hard for me to imagine a smart, responsible, careing, sexy person could ever know me and still want to be with me. crazy.

i really really really really really love you and i would do anything for you even tho i never do. and i'll try to stop being suspicious of you cheating. I know im not the most attractive one of the bunch, but i love you & i know you love me.

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nyquil+weed=ok?

Feb. 28th, 2004 | 01:03 am
mood: my tummy hurts :o(

i have my GED test at 9 this morning, i just got off work not that long ago and its now 1:04am, gunna suck to be me. I know i should just take some nyquil, smoke a joint and fall asleep, but i hate going to sleep. id much rather be up watching a dvd :o) plus i just downloaded a grip of movies: beetlegeuce, donnie darko, duplex, groundhog day, lost highway, private parts, see no evil hear no evil, the frightners & kentucky fried movie, i never even saw that or know what its about but my friend keegan told me to watch it, so i am, because i love keegan.

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(no subject)

Feb. 28th, 2004 | 12:52 am
mood: crappycrappy

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